She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
