smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
