I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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