Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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