He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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