I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
