just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
a search helicopter?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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