can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
