it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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