I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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