According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
