Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
