Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
