Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
