my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was confusing and full of hummus
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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