All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
