i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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