dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
