If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
