my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
