If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
