Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
