sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
