..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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