my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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