What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I AM VODKA MAN
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
