Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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