I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
