I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
