No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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