he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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