Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
