So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
