Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
