Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
