And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
