I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
