the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
