We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
