absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
this will be a night to untag.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
