So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
