I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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