ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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