I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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