You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
