So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
