Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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