This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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