Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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