I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
