My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
