If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
