Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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